LoSt !n TraNsitiOn

wisecrack

2008-01-03T13:55:00.001+08:00

Now, we head towards the battlefield!
Believe, and our blades will not break!
Believe, and our hearts will not bend!
Though the roads we take may be different,
Our iron hearts will beat as one.
Swear, that even if the earth is torn asunder,
We will live and return here once again!
-13th Protection Squad-

A new year… Most of the people I knew probably think that this is a good chance for a new beginning, to start fresh, a new life. Gone are the days of bickering with one another, trying to ridicule whom you could and get even with those who mocked you. Less time to join in the merrymaking with friends whom you’ve shared a great deal of your life, be it in high school days or the college years. Eventually there will come a time when the path we are walking on takes a different turn separating us from those we consider as allies. Inevitable but it doesn’t mean the camaraderie has to end. This goes to those who are on a different path.

To those who has found happiness in their life,
Congrats! Finally, after all those years of being rejected has paid off. Bad news is, it isn’t going to last so be sure to give us a call and we’ll always have a drink ready for you.

To those who vanished like a ghost,
Whatever you’re doing right now just make sure you leave us out of it, got it? But if ever you change your mind and decide to involve us, we’ll always be here to back you up.

To those who has found a new set of friends,
Good luck! Chances of them leaving you hanging are still high. Just be considerate in choosing your new found friends.

To those who have been hurt,
Although drinking might drown those sorrows away, doing it everyday is an over kill. Just think that you don’t want to look like that when the right one comes along.

To those who said their ok but not,
You’re only fooling yourself, seriously. Get a grip, for Pete’s sake. He’s just one guy. It’s not the end yet.

To those who are already Dads and Moms,
Be patient… you do realize that most of their aunts and uncles are currently unemployed. Congrats!

To those who are still a bum,
Kudos! Being a Bum rocks!!!

To those who are in the states,
Hey!!! We’re still waiting for any parcel you’ll be sending us. In case you’ve forgotten the sizes, message me and I’ll send it to you in no time. Stay safe out there and take care…

To those who are no longer earthbound,
If ever you find a way of reading this, do know that you’ll always be remembered.

To those who are going to tie it up,
Congrats! Too bad that “Bro’s before Hoe’s’ are already over. But the deal is still in effect. Your secret is still safe with us.

To those who are still studying,
It’s only a matter of time now before you become a bum so enjoy your remaining days in school.

To those who are getting serious with their life,
Take a breather once in a while. Enjoy, get drunk, and be merry.

To those who have problems,
We’re still offering a 200 hours “crisis intervention program” consisting of 12 hours self reflection, 38 bathroom hours, 100 hours of being merry, and 50 hours of your chosen way to get your anger out. Be advice that in the 100 hours of being merry, all drinks are not inclusive.

Note: If you don’t find yourself on the list above just give a message and I’ll be sure to make an update right away. Any form of addition be it an idea or a new criteria will be appreciated. Thank you.
p.s. Most of what is written above is not to be taken seriously. Although some of them maybe factual, they still are in a form of a joke. Any similarities to persons living or dead is just a mere coincidence and not done intentionally.

secret

2007-12-02T14:23:00.000+08:00

teach me why...
why do i become light-headed everytime i see you?
when you smile at me...
i become happy and feels like i'm gonna run away.

one more try...
but for many times, i've been searching for you.
trying not to meet your eyes...
i'm staring at your side today, again.

feelings that cannot be expressed well...
so i change it to a whisper.
the sunset is a lil' bit sad...
maybe it's a beginning of something.

want to be close to you...
a lil' bit, step by step, ayt?
like the sun following behind...
my feelings cannot be erased.

if someday you are hurt...
let it fall, till there's no more cry.
i want to tell you...
just a phrase, "it's gonna be okay."

"precious things cannot be seen."
but the love is freer than this blowing wind.
i want to watch and protect you.
i want to support you.
now, it's still a secret.
even though it's far, like the moon...
i want to shine upon you.

let fall

2007-10-12T12:20:00.000+08:00

Pardon me if I think like this,
I did not want you to know.
That I was enduring a misery,
When your’ no longer free anymore.

Like a drizzle but quietly it pours,
Giving a nostalgic feeling to everything it sets upon.
Piling up in my heart memories,
Of a forgotten scent, a forgotten heart beat.

Fleeting emotion to which I wish it pass,
Will it do nothing but linger, or
Would you notice it?
Even I do not intend to say anything.

How long will I keep thinking of you?
When every sigh I make fogs up,
The windows glass with pictures of you.

Now, even a burning candle cannot,
Melt away the feelings I have.
But if it were to rain an everlasting lies,
Somehow I could have kept it to myself.

Hold me tight, strong enough to break me.
Coz if ever we meet in a biting cold storm,
I will no longer feel frozen.
I miss you every time I think of you.

Pardon me if I think like this,
I did not want to know.
That I would stay in this misery,
If I were to give up and fight no more.

vrije

2007-09-03T14:34:00.000+08:00

"Believe in thine own self, and serve no other, for others know nothing of what is best for thee. Yet do not shut
out opposing philosophies, for at times their teachings may be clearer than thine own."

"Subjugate thy self not to God nor man, for subjugation knows no honor. Why should the Father wish His children to kneel in fear before him? Better to die free than to live as sheep."

"Do what you will with thy life. Give freely, love freely and expect nothing. In this shall you find true happiness,
and there will be no reason for disappointment."

"Do unto others as you wish to do unto them. For this is thy right as a being of free will. Thou may treat thy
neighbor good or ill, as per thy will. But remember this: He also is free to respond according to his will; and it would do thee well to temper thine action with judgment."

"Thou shalt not kill out of anger, lust or evil. Yet to protect that which is important; self, family, liberty. Kill
swiftly and without mercy. If thou art not willing to do this, you shall lose all that matters to thee."

"Thou art stronger than you can ever know, search for the strength that wells within. It is there. It is waiting.
And somewhere out there, someone needs you more than you can ever imagine."

"If you have not known hate, pain, greed and cowardice then thou hast not known love, pleasure, generosity and
courage, for they are all degrees of the same ideal. Accept both the good and the bad within thee, for there is no
separating the two. Without one, the other has no meaning."

"If thou findest an inequity, you must correct it. If thou art witnesses to injustice, you must not stand idle. If
you come upon pain, then give relief. For if the lot of Man is to improve, the seer must be the doer."

"If thou followest the philosophy of others and add nothing of thine own, then thou art no more than a beast of the field and have wasted thy soul."

"Listen to the opinions of others and weigh their merits, for others may see options you have not. Yet follow thine own heart for the final decision. If thou art not willing to do this, then take heed: Thou hast delivered thy
destiny into the hands of strangers."

"Faith is the greatest force within this universe. With it, you may do all that is possible, and even that which is
not. Yet you must channel this energy within thine own soul: keep faith in thy hopes, faith in thy dreams, faith in
thyself."

"Within thee lies the power of the gods. To gain it, strive for understanding: of the firmament, of thine earth, of
others, and most importantly, of thyself."

"Seek the philosophy within thy soul, for others cannot reveal it nor dictate it to thee. Neither god nor man may
lead thee to thyself, for only the individual soul knows its own path."

"No one may control thee or manipulate thee unless you allow it to be. Thee and thee alone art thy destiny’s master."

"Thy path in life must be thine own, let not others choose it for thee. If you wish a chance at greatness, follow
thine own path. If it should lead to misery, so be it. At least is it a misery of thine own choosing. And remember,
you may always try again."

"Friends are precious; keep them near. But thy family is sacred. One may treat them ill, slander them and do them evil. Yet when thy need is greatest, they shall always be with thee."

"Error and forgiveness are the traits of humanity, fear and condemnation the traits of gods. Strive to be human;
strive not to be gods."

"All has been brought to bear against thee. Thine instincts were bred into thee; thy laws created for they could not be kept. Question all, for this is the path to Oneness. Heed not the beliefs, laws and actions of others unless they suit thee. And be prepared to die for this."

tribute

2007-08-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

Somebody once asked me, “Why do you do that?” pertaining to the curiosity of how I cast away the first shot into an open land in a drinking session. Some say its a toast to the spirits floating around above us, others say that it would lessen the alcohol content of whatever it is that you are drinking and there are those who just think that it was cool, but for as long as I remember people have been doing it for a long time, in order to give honor to their fallen comrades. During the past, before warriors go into the battlefield, there has always been a festivity in which they can drink to their hearts content before the break of dawn. It serves as a last supper for those who will not survive the coming battle. As for me, I didn’t know when I started it. A force of habit as you may say but during these times it has become more meaningful since that incident happened. The death of someone close to you, may it be your family or your friends. It is inevitable to all living things. One way or another we all have to leave this earthbound place. Everyone has their own time when to go away. It just didn’t sink in to us that you were planning it the whole time. It was not in you to do those kinds of things. It was not in anyone of us. We were a group of individuals who were always having a laugh no matter what. You may say that we are idiots to the core, but we were real. We never forget who we are just in order to blend in. Never did we try anything so stupid as to hurt others even ourselves just to stand out. A brotherhood of fools we are but it was us. When you left, it hit us really bad. Although no one admitted it and was just being silent about it but you’ll get the idea that everyone took it pretty hard. We kind of went on our own way after that and before we even realized it a year has already gone by. You know the rest. Those shots will serve as a tribute to the memory of a fallen brother. If by any way you can read this, all we can say is “what the hell? We always had your back, damn it!!!” even though that was a fight you don’t want us involved in, and wherever you are may you rest in peace, shit head…

prologue

2007-07-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

In our lives the possibility of having to make a choice is always present. Even though sometimes we are not aware of these choices, certainly we are making one without even realizing the consequences of this action. And hence the saying “life is full of infinite possibilities”, depends on the choices we are making today. Some of us think thoroughly of what to choose, they try to weigh on which will bring the most benefit to them. While others are just bluntly making choices on the basis of one what feels. It is in this circumstance that the foolishness of humanity begins to surface. This is not to say that those people who made their decision base on feelings are a fool. It’s just the tendency of us becoming a fool is elevated. We fail to realize that what should have been decided was for the common good. A universal fact, to which it would benefit most people are what is acceptable. It is because that is what has been decided by society to be morally and politically the right thing to do. And In order for us not to make a mistake, it is inevitable that we have to do what they think to be is right. However, it is not always like that. Mistakes are the things that make us humans. We are not a perfect being who are exempted from making one. There are times when we can justify our actions allowing us to be excuse from committing this error. This is where the dilemma begins. If we can justify our actions to be is right, then does that mean that what the society consider to be the right one, will be nullified. If an individual has their own sense of self-righteousness then it would bring conflict to two opposing views. Society will no longer be the basis of what is right and what is wrong. Here’s a situation from the movie “swordfish”. If you can have the cure for any diseases that could save millions of people but in order to get it you have to kill a single innocent child. What would you do? Society will tell you to kill the child. It’s for the greater good. But if you’re an individual who values the sanctity of human life let alone an innocent child, you wouldn’t go for the kill. You’ll probably think of ideas in order for you not to make that choice. Of course no one can say what is the right thing to do, even morality is out of the question here. It will rely on what one feels and thinks in the given situation. So it will come down to this. There is no absolute right or wrong. What makes us say which is which depends on the things we believe in and how are our perspective allow us to accept it. Our own, not what other tells it to be because it’s written in some form of greatness or holiness. Following the things we believe in doesn’t make us the fool. Those who are foolish are the ones who depend on others to make their decisions for them.

drifter

2007-01-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

Lost and continuously wandering into a sea of nothingness. Silent, unable to sense anything in this place that I’ve been stick up for so long. Darkness is the only thing you can see. Even if you shut your eyes, you would not be able to tell the difference. The quietness becomes unwavering to the point of driving an individual mad, and yet I feel so calm. There is something in this pitch black world that soothes my weariness. It does not frighten me in any kind of way. No goose bumps, no shivering, no fast heart beats, and not even a drop of sweat. Everything is peaceful. As far as I could remember, I was never afraid of the dark. Even as a kid I felt at home with it. Sometimes, this feeling of belongingness is associated with the feeling of loneliness. It is a common misunderstanding of those people who fears the dark, those people who are afraid to be alone and stand up for themselves. If I were given the chance to reason it out with them, I could convince them to change things as they see it but I would not. I believe that we are all entitled to choose what to think and what to feel. I will not force to anyone my kind of thinking, for these are only thoughts. It has no basis in the real world. It was my own and mine alone if possible. I would not want to burden anyone with these kinds of things. Then again what is to be real? Is it something that we could see, hear, and feel? Then how can we tell if our senses are lying to us. There are so many questions that need not to be answered. That is what being lost is all about. It is true that you do not have any direction in which way you should go but the good thing is you see things in different kind of perspective. How open minded can you get depends on how broad you horizon is. There is no limit to it. As long as you could imagine it, who knows, maybe what you believe in is the one thing to be true. What matter is for you to have a firm belief in something or someone. It is more than enough to keep you drifting and just go on with your life.

life

2006-01-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder what life is? Science defined it as the time a person or thing is alive or exists, or a specific portion of one’s life. Well it’s true. But given a different perspective, life has different meanings. Some people say that life is a game. Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in a long shot. Life is the only art that we are required to practice without preparation, and without being allowed the preliminary trials, the failures and botches, that are essential for training. With different definitions it seems that life is measureless. Now that we’ve got its definition, so how does one know he’s living a good life? When can you tell that you are living and not just existing?

Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. For nothing is really itself anymore. There are pieces of this and pieces of that, but none of it fits together. Everything falls apart, but not every part of everything, at least not at the same time. It shows how absurd life can get. But it’s not hopeless. There are two things you can do to get by its absurdity and actually live a life rather than let it pass you by. First thing is to learn, learn from the mistakes you made. Learn from the lessons of life, its experience rather than let a book define a life for you. Second is to yearn, know how to feel affection, tenderness and compassion. If you find it hard to do, here are some guidelines to get you started with. Always listen to good advice, be an open minded person and remove the possibility for discrimination. Be determined in achieving your goals. If ever you’ve reach your goal, learn to enjoy it and not just be satisfied by having it. Always look at where you’re going. You’ll never know when something good has just passed in front of you. Don’t let the situation confuse you. Learn to set your priorities straight. And lastly, don’t stop your curiosity. It’s the only thing that drives you to actually learn something.

Living a good life doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of pain and suffering. It is in knowing that you’ve lived your life without regrets and have integrity rather than despair in your conscience. Most men discover when they look back on their life that they have been living in the meantime, and are surprised to see that which they let go by so unregarded and unenjoyed was precisely their life. It’s not how long you lived but how well, that makes you a living person and not just existing. So that’s what life is all about. Living life to the fullest without being captivated by anyone. Live your life as yourself in the way that you are.

far away

2006-01-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away. And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn. If I try to play it straight, it will no doubt fail, and tonight it won't go well between us again. You can't see all of my hard efforts, because its only result is that it makes no sense. It really is a tightrope. More effort, more damage this is my daily life. Taking a cynical attitude may give me some comfort. Hiding myself, heated and irritated, living only a short time.

When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away. And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn. If I let my emotions free, my dreams will once again not go well. I think the balance sheet of my life is imperfect. If I add up the plusses and minuses, will it really equal zero? I want to control all my luck that may be used up before my life is ended. You don't know. You can change logic at your will.

I hurt myself because of you, over and over. But my love didn't go away, it kept coming back. The toughness gained from my damage is unbelievable. I won't be able to sleep at all tonight either. However many times it's repeated. It revives again and again, because it's love. You can't blame my emotion, because you should know it will never fade away.

When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away. And even though I'm in the darkness of dawn, I have to go. I don't care about bad affinity. Even if our love is not doing well,
Nevertheless we have deep ties.

end of self

2006-01-03T13:04:00.000+08:00

If there is some ache before sleep comes, it is the broken love which even now remains in pieces. They are not so distant that they be mistaken for the deep night. The memories I do not want to be adorned just with sighs. This floating heart has become scary. It seems like it will cease to see itself. To those days that look as if they were in flames. I say farewell and turn my back. Something is not enough, somewhere I had made a mistake. No matter how much I bluff I cannot yet see the exit. It’s like being in the center of a maze, were all I could do is to clutch my knees. Outside the window the night passes too much for time cannot be returned. The gap between today and tomorrow troubles me. I ask for much and yet I do not want to be hurt, only escaping those words. Now, rather than hiding my frailty. Head on, I take it all in. The thing not enough, the place where I had erred, they teach a little pain. When the day breaks, I walk on to search for a new self.

prelude

2006-01-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

even though i love you most in the world, why? when i met you, i always look down. even if the sky vanishes, even if i have no dreams, you are my sun. my heart aches. i shrink with fear. my heart will thump forever. i want a chance so please give me a chance. until the day comes when i can say...

whom do you love most in the world? sometimes you look into the distance, why is that? no matter where you go, no matter whom you were with. you are the sun of my heart. the cliff is getting steeper. darkness closing in. i want a chance. i don't mind waiting. until the day comes when i can say...

memory

2006-01-01T21:53:00.000+08:00

if you could take a peek into someone's heart,

i wonder whose heart you would choose?

if i could have seen your feelings back then,

where would the two of us be now?

i hate seeing you go,

coz somehow it makes me feel lonely.

i won't forget the look in your eyes,

the look which you show only to me.

i won't forget your words,

"no one can live alone..."

each time a new year comes,

i remember you.

i can never again be that enraptured.

i hate tears,

coz they wash everything away.

i won't forget your gentleness,

gentleness which only i know.

i won't forget your warmth,

like you said, "no one can live alone."

which is which

2005-12-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time. That's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterward. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with her faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, sexier, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soulmates, "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen." I do believe that soulmates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make.

It's not important how much love you had in the beginning but how much love you built til the end. It's not finding the right person but finding the right relationship.

somebody

2005-12-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

Closing my eyes off everyday won't get me anywhere. But at least the feeling can keep me in the moment.The ideal is far. But reality is near. Although the wind is strong, I still smile to myself. Hug me tightly, and for sure, I will become strong. Faithfully, I'll love somebody. One day, I'll find what I'm looking for. I'll take my chance.In this world, I will even stop time, to become her angel. Faithfully, I'll love somebody. I certainly will meet, that irreplacable person. I can't stop this passion. Tomorrow will fly here soon. In this dream I see alone, I look toward two people. I can guess who they probably are. What a lovely vision. It's puzzling though. Even though we don't spend any lesiure time, I'm still happy all the time. I'll never lose my way. Firmly looking ahead, I hold myself together. Faithfully, I'll Love Somebody. One day, I believe I'll get my chance.The fated bell will toll, and the gates will open. Faithfully, I'll Love Somebody. The fateful encounter, with that person, I'll continue seeking it. The sun starts shining, as miracles don't lie.

what's your deepest fear?

2005-12-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.